Every Woman Needs...

I wish I could find this list my friend's stepmom "Mary" had of things she'd decided over the course of her life that every woman ought to have. I should enter the caveat that this was created from her worldview - that of a straight, white, late-middle-aged, Southern, Christian woman with a fantastic sense of humor and a heart rivaled in size only by her picnic baskets full of the best pies you've ever tasted. That said, as I try to remember her list, change the wording as you see fit according to your worldview. Since I can't remember them all, I'll take this opportunity to add some of my own based on what I've collected or found myself wishing for.

Mary's list included some of the following:

• A pair of diamond earrings
• Appropriate footwear for all occasions
  
• A man who wasn't good enough for you, but you dated anyway
• A man you dated only for his looks
• A man you loved, who did not love you back
• A man who loved you, but you did not love back
• A piece of real jewelry you bought for yourself
• A place you can retreat to, whether a friend's kitchen table or your own garden, where you are always welcome and can be your true self

There was quite a bit more, but that's all I remember. By that checklist, I'm doing okay. I have all of those crossed off but one, and I reckon someday I'll be able to afford real jewelry.

Some things I'd like to add from my experiences, that I think every woman (if not every person) would benefit from:

• A friend in whom you can confide anything - someone you can really trust to never betray even your deepest, darkest secrets
• Self-defense training
  
• A man you can think of when you're about to say, "I hate men," who makes you remember that there are good ones out there
• Someone who can be trusted to give you a good haircut
• A love letter*
• A reliable road atlas
• A friend who will tell you the truth, even if it isn't what you want to hear

*maybe you don't care about that kind of thing, but there's just something about the thought of seeing words in real ink on real paper you can hold in your hand, words that can't be backspaced or retracted, saying that at least for one moment in time, someone loved you enough to give that moment a little permanence. This is the one thing from that list I have yet to collect.

I didn't mention anything about the kind of guys or gals you should love or have relationships with because frankly, everyone's needs are different. It'd be a whole other post to go into the massive education I've had on my own in the past few years.

What would you add to Mary's list?

"You Can Waste Time With Your Friends When Your Chores are Done"

When I was in high school and college, I worked at a shiny new ice rink that opened up not long after my group of friends had decided that we liked ice skating and it was officially Our Thing. As a result, lots of us ended up getting jobs there and becoming fast friends with the other coworkers who stuck around for any significant length of time. After we closed on Saturday nights, after the busiest and most stressful sessions, we had a habit of unwinding at the IHOP until the wee hours of the morning. It was great - all of us so loopy by that point that we thought it was hilarious every single time Scott Lyons ordered onion rings and upon their being delivered to the table, would hold one up to the waiter or waitress and say, "look, sir, droids!"

It wasn't much, but it's those little things that get you through. I miss having things like that, and I wonder if it's not a big part of the reason I've been such a chronic procrastinator lately. I don't know a whole lot of people in my new town yet, and I don't have any rituals or standing plans to look forward to at the end of a day of hard work. So what happens? I end up not working so hard, because even though the reward is a paycheck, it's delayed and practically intangible as it goes straight from source to bank account to bills that need paid.

Therefore, here's another New Year's resolution: find something to look forward to at the end of every work day. Maybe it'll be a visit to some cool spot I've been told about. Maybe it'll be a walk to the coffee shop for a latte. Maybe it'll be a visit to a friend. Just... something I can put on my calendar as an appointment I've made, which can only be done once the paying work is done.

There Must Have Been Some Magic

I wrote earlier this year, here, about my cousin Vicki, who I've continued to think about throughout my life, though we hadn't seen each other or spoken in nearly two decades. If you look at that old post, and scroll to the comments, you'll see what I found last week - a new comment from Vicki herself. As of this writing, I'm happy to give the update that we've shared a few emails now and we're both excited at the chance to get to know each other as the grown women we've become. Michael tells me this is a bona-fide Christmas Miracle™, and I don't disagree.

Because Vicki told me, much to my delight, that she's still a huge Bon Jovi fan, here you go:



My wish for you is that every day, you have a little of the peace and kindness associated with this time of year. So many people say they love Christmas because it's the one day everyone tries to get along. What if, in that sense, every day was like Christmas? Just think about that.

Whatever you're celebrating today, whether it's Christmas, a holiday associated with your religion, or simply another day that you've woken up to life on this planet, I wish you all imaginable happiness. To those I love, may you know how desolate I would be without you.

Time Enough At Last

I've caught myself saying, "if only I'd said something sooner..." a lot recently. For some reason, this makes me think of the Twilight Zone episode Time Enough At Last. You know, the one where Burgess Meredith never stands up for himself to make his life what he really wants, and then when it's handed to him, well... it doesn't end up quite how he dreamed. If you haven't seen it, I won't spoil it. Watch the episode embedded below.

Anyway, the moral of the story seems to me to be that waiting it out and just hoping for the best really isn't the way to go about life. In actuality, that course of action turns out to lead to regret. If only... if only...

It's so strange to me that someone told me not long ago that I always know the right things to say. That was a really nice thing to say, and I'd like to try to live up to it more. Actually, I think the material goal is to not only know the right thing to say, but to actually say it.

So there you have it, 2 weeks ahead of deadline, my New Year's resolution: in 2010 and the year of the Metal Tiger (ooh, I like that. Metal Tiger. Tiger of Metal. Rock and roll and Frosted Flakes and GRRRRREAT!), I will put my heart back on my sleeve, because it's done me no good tucked away in a bag in a box in a trunk in a safe in a locked room in a boarded up house underground on another planet... and learn how to say the right things instead of just knowing what they are.