My Mom's Christmas List

My mom is the smartest person I know. She's also the most supportive. I can't think of a single time when she's refused a person in need, even if it wasn't convenient or simple to help. Therefore, the Christmas wish list she posted to Facebook earlier isn't all that surprising to me, but it is inspiring, so I thought I'd share it (and hope she doesn't mind).

Dear Santa,
How have you been? How is Mrs. Claus? How are the reindeer? I have been very good this year, so I have a very long list. Please note the size and color of each. (Okay, so I didn't have much choice about being good, but really, I probably would have been good anyway even if I could afford to be bad ;-)...so, here goes:

1) One extra large size of happiness for all of my kids and rent-a-kids
‎2) A double shot of good health for all of my family and friends
3) A renewable subscription to hope for all those who despair
4) A venti non-fat no calorie sense of purpose for all who feel helpless
5) A dollop of good cheer to spread around the workplace
6) A giant size safety net to protect all those who serve
7) A bottomless cup of understanding to be shared among those who have hardened their hearts
8) A heart that grows three sizes for anyone who lacks compassion
9) A bright shiny new welcome wagon for those who are displaced or alone
10) and maybe a pair of gloves since I lost one of mine somewhere and now I can only keep 5 fingers warm at a time :-)

Thank you for your time and attention to this matter. Oh, and please play the song "Let There Be Peace on Earth, and Let It Begin With Me" throughout the halls of all legislative bodies throughout the year.
Your Friend,
[My Mom]

A Wintertime Message

...with liberty and justice for all

Have you seen the latest Facebook meme? It goes like this:

I am an UN-APOLOGETIC AMERICAN!! I pledge allegiance to the flag of the
United States of America, and to the REPUBLIC for which it stands, one
Nation under GOD, indivisible, with LIBERTY and JUSTICE for all!!! I
grew up reciting this every morning in school. It is a shame we no
...longer do...for fear of OFFENDING SOMEONE...!! Let's see how many
Americans will re-post this and not care about offending someone!!

Is it really just me or do the phrases "with LIBERTY and JUSTICE for all" and "not care about offending someone" contradict each other?

The Pledge of Allegiance is not normally something I'm on a soapbox about, until this meme business started cropping up. I'm writing this because I've written essentially the same reply on a few of these Facebook posts now and I'm tired of repeating myself. I realize that by posting this here, I'll be largely reaching two audiences: 1. those who already think as I do and 2. those who will never try to see the other side of the issue and get really mad about it.

So why bother? Because I'm also tired of just biting my tongue while people marginalize my beliefs and make unfair and untrue judgments about my character. These people have no idea how demoralizing and exhausting it is to constantly have to argue that I am just as American as they are.

I'm not sure what sparked this whole fusillade of rants about the Pledge of Allegiance, but since it's going on, here's what my opinion actually is:

I think that its current incarnation (which is a few edits different from the original) does not apply to every citizen who has occasion to recite it.

I think that it's not about people being offended, but rather about feeling marginalized and like their fellow Americans consider them to be lesser citizens.

I am not offended by a Christian swearing fealty to his or her God. It's only right and proper that they should.

I think it would make me a liar and a hypocrite to stand with my hand over my heart and pledge to live under God, and I further think it would cheapen the faith of my Christian fellow-citizens if I did. Also, last I checked, lying was a bad thing and therefore I tend to stand silent and contemplate the parts of that Pledge that do apply to me when it is recited.

I do not actively advocate that the Pledge be re-edited at this time. I think there are more pressing issues just now and that offering the alternative of a long moment of silence where students and citizens can contemplate the pledge or their patriotism in their own way is an acceptable compromise.

I think that's reasonable.

What I don't think is reasonable are the responses I've gotten as a backlash to my opinion.

I am told that I just don't support the troops. Oh, really? So when I sat up on many, many long nights with my friend who was in Afghanistan, talking until the wee hours of the morning because he just needed someone to unburden himself to, that wasn't supporting a troop? When another friend came home and was so screwed up after his last tour of duty in Iraq that he didn't trust himself at home with his wife and baby, so I let him stay at my place until he could figure out what to do, that wasn't supporting a troop? When another was mobilized and needed help to figure out what on earth she was going to do about her pets and her vehicle and all of her other various commitments, and I was there to help, that wasn't supporting a troop?

I'm told that I just hate Christians and think they should have to hide their faith. Anyone who actually knows me knows better than that. Like I've told everyone who has raised this issue: If you have faith in any religion and it has enriched your life, made you a better member of your family and/or community, and you practice it without harming anyone, then I am happy for you. All I ask is that you be just as accepting of my beliefs, though they may differ from yours. I don't go around telling people why they should believe what I believe and calling them names if they disagree. 

I'm told that it doesn't matter if non-Christians are marginalized, because "America is a Christian nation". I'm also told that people are so fired up about it because it's another way that the immigrants are winning our country away from us, because people are supposedly forbidden from saying the pledge because it makes the non-Christian immigrants who come to America to take our jobs and enjoy our freedoms feel less at home.

When I point out that I was born in Pennsylvania, and therefore a natural-born American who pays taxes, votes, volunteers in my community, supports the troops, etc., I'm told that I still don't count because I'm not in the majority (which I'm pretty sure is defined as "camp that shouts the loudest"), I need to just suck it up and go along with what they want. Again, how does that agree with "justice for all"?

I'm told I'm just a liberal/socialist/communist who actually hates America. This hasn't been limited to this issue, either. At an office party for a former job, a coworker marched into the room, pointed at me, and screamed "YOU'RE the terrorist!" This was because she figured out which car was mine and I had a sticker for a Democratic candidate in the window. I don't actually have the words to express how offended I still am when I think about that moment. This was from a young woman who had also recently pontificated "Berlin Wall?! Well now I know you're just fucking with me, 'cause I know for a FACT that the wall is in China and it is still there."

I'm told that people can say whatever they want and I don't have a right to push my opinion on them in response, even when that opinion is posted in a public forum. I've also gotten a "why do you keep responding to these?" The answer to that is: because people keep posting them and it keeps bothering me.

I am so, so tired of this. 

People who keep posting these messages are only serving to foster divisiveness and hostility that is actually harming America. Saying "I don't care if you're offended. Shut up and do it my way!" is not how to open a dialogue where anything good will come of it. I want people to understand that we are real people who are hurt by the implication or outright statement that we don't count, that we don't care, or that we matter less.

Also, by the way, the Pledge of Allegiance was written by a socialist who didn't actually mean for it to belong just to America, and when it was edited in 1954 to add in the words "under God," it was done against the express wishes of his estate. I only point that out because the people who DO advocate changing it back so that it'll accommodate Americans of all religious or non-religious inclinations aren't exactly proposing anything shocking and radical.

Say the Pledge of Allegiance in its current form if you want to, but please be mindful that some of us have very good reasons for choosing quiet contemplation instead, and that we matter just as much as you do. It doesn't make us unAmerican. 
 

It Gets Better

What is it about 5th grade? It seems that's when it starts, if it's going to start. That's when it started for me. It wasn't just one bully. It wasn't just kids in my class. It's more like the act of tormenting me was what got everyone else accepted into the club of those who were allowed to be normal teenagers.

This torment took on various forms. Some chose name-calling - barnyard animals were the favorite, spreading rumors, and making verbal threats. Some took it a step further and resorted to tripping me, stealing my things, putting gum in my hair. One went so far as to set my hair on fire in class (the teacher pretended not to notice).

To this day, I'm not exactly sure why it started. It probably had something to do with my exceptional height making me stand out. That's the thing about bullies, though, and a thing that's very important to remember: there is nothing about you that makes you deserve it. If there's nothing overtly different about you, they will just invent something, because you're not the one with the defect; they are. In my case, my guess is that I was just an easy target and the kids who started it were popular.

I remember the kid who started it, and I remember the ones who were the worst. I remember the first boy I ever had a crush on, neighing in my face the first time I worked up the nerve to smile at him. The thing is, I don't remember the last time I saw any of them.

My 10-year high school reunion is happening this month, and I will not be attending. That's in large part because as an adult, I have the power to choose who I do and don't let into my life. That's the most important thing to remember. You may be stuck with a bunch of cretins while you're in school, but eventually, you're just not anymore. You're not George McFly, who will forever be in Biff's power as he graduates from class bully to office tyrant.

I got a Facebook friend request from one of the guys were the worst. In response, I sent him a message, just asking him to satisfy my curiosity and tell me why on earth he'd sent the request. He replied, at very great length, about how horrible he felt about the way he'd behaved toward me and was trying to atone for the sins of his youth. I accepted his apology, but denied his request to be Facebook friends. I'm glad that he's grown as a person, but it doesn't mean I want to invite him into my life. Just the memories that involve him breed negativity, and I do not have to expose myself to it.

Now, I have a good relationship with my mom. I have found the love of my life, and he's a really great guy. I have friends who like me for who I really am and respect me as a human being. I have professional colleagues who support my endeavors. In short: it got better. My life is not perfect. There will always be obstacles to overcome and negative people who need to be dealt with. Still, it is pretty damned good, and I wouldn't trade it.

I don't dwell on those middle and high school years, but when I do think of them, it's usually when I hear of someone bullying another person or group of people, and maybe because I know how it feels, it makes me a better advocate. I'm not saying I'm glad I was bullied, but at least I can channel those experiences into helping others. I'm coming out of the locker now just in case you needed to know you're not alone, just in case you're looking for all the examples you can to prove to yourself that it gets better.

Please do not end your life. If the thought even crosses your mind, call 1-800-SUICIDE.
Please do not deprive the world of your gentle soul.

And hey, if they can't say something nice, you come sit next to me.